Deconstructing Arguments: Recognizing Emotional Flashbacks
In the context of close relationships, it is important to address the common issue of arguments. Arguments can arise for various reasons, and one contributing factor is the occurrence of emotional flashbacks. Emotional flashbacks occur when a person involved in the argument starts to have a strong emotional reaction that seems disproportionate to the current situation. It's as if they are "reliving" a past traumatic experience that was similar but unresolved.
In therapy, we often use the phrase, "if it's hysterical, it's historical" to help clients understand this phenomenon. This means that when you have an intense reaction to a present situation, such as yelling, crying, or feeling frozen, it indicates that your nervous system is releasing stored energy from a past trauma that was similar but may have occurred when you were younger and unable to process it.
These emotional flashbacks can catch people off guard because they may not immediately recognize the connection between their present emotions and past experiences. It can be confusing and overwhelming to feel such strong emotions in response to a seemingly ordinary situation. Once the flashback occurs, the part of the brain that allows skillful interaction is not accessible and the person behaves in an unrelational manner.
In therapy, I work to help individuals identify and understand their emotional flashbacks. By exploring and resolving the past traumas that may be connected to their current reactions, we can begin to process and heal those unresolved experiences. Through therapy, individuals can develop strategies to regulate their emotions, respond effectively in the present, and cultivate healthier and more fulfilling relationships by learning to respond in the present rather than react to the past.
If you find yourself experiencing unexpected emotional reactions during arguments or in other relationship dynamics, it may be beneficial to seek therapy. A trained therapist can provide support in recognizing and addressing emotional flashbacks, helping you navigate these experiences and build healthier connections with others.
Based on my clinical experience, I have found the Developmental and Relational Trauma model to be remarkably effective in addressing relational trauma at its core. This model, which I employ and endorse, offers a comprehensive approach for individuals seeking healing in this area.
Boundary invitation: Please understand that this blog is written through my own personal lens along with my clinical experience and training. I invite you to take what works for you, and leave the rest.