Every couple has a pattern.
That same argument, the same reactions, the same painful cycle that leaves you both feeling frustrated and disconnected. I call this your trigger loop. The automatic back-and-forth that starts when one of you feels hurt or threatened. Awareness is the first step toward change. When you begin to see your part in that loop, everything shifts. You learn to care for your pain instead of protecting it through blame or withdrawal. You can choose connection over reactivity. And that’s where real healing in your relationship begins.
Ready to step out of your Trigger Loop and into connection?
I’m Danielle Landa, MA, LMFT, LADC.
I help individuals and couples develop the emotional maturity and communication skills needed to break out of their Trigger Loop and reconnect with the people who matter most. My approach is compassionate, practical, and grounded in trauma-informed relationship work. Together, we’ll uncover the patterns keeping you stuck and build the skills to help you respond rather than react so that you can feel the love, connection, and joy that brought you together in the first place . Healing your relationship starts with understanding yourself.
It’s my honor to walk with you through that process.
Understanding The Trigger Loop: The Hidden Pattern Behind Every Couple’s Conflict.
Every couple has a pattern they fall into when conflict arises. I call it the Trigger Loop: that automatic cycle where one person’s pain or fear activates the other’s, and both move into self-protective behaviors.
For some, that may appear as anger, blame, or control.
For others, it’s silence, withdrawal, or people-pleasing.
Either way, it becomes a loop, driven by the anxiety of being different from someone you love. In those moments, people want relief from pain. They either argue to be understood or go along to keep the peace.
Over time, this erodes trust and intimacy. Resentment builds. You start to feel like strangers, or worse, enemies. My approach helps you recognize when you’ve stepped into the Trigger Loop and gives you the tools to step out of it. We’ll focus less on what you’re fighting about—and more on how you’re relating when you disagree. Whether the issue is money, parenting, sex, or daily stress, you’ll learn a structured, trauma-informed way to manage conflict, regulate emotion, and move problems forward—together.
"Keep your face always toward the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you."
— Walt Whitman
You Only Get One Life
Your life is important and your story matters. Let me help you identify where you are getting stuck and help you move forward. I will help you develop the tools you need to create a more fulfilling and satisfying life.